You have no idea how much I was exited to see this film. The trailers looked like it was everything I wanted. Action, humor and more shots of Megan fox leaning over a motorcycle. The lesson is. Be careful what you wish for.

The film starts out well. The Autobots are working with a joint US UK force to hunt down deceptacons. Optemus gets parachuted into action from an air carrier. How freaking awesome is that!
Then the seeds of decent are sewn. We’ve got generic jive talking robots. Its okay. As long as its only one scene. Its ok. I’m still sticking to this film.

For some reason shia lebouf is brought back into the plot. Why? I dunno. He’s an unlikable actor with an unlikable character. He’s going off to Prinston college. Which looks like every generic American college. Huge, gothic and full of partying pretty young people. His mum eats weed and goes bananas. Oh the hilarity ensues. The dialogue is so fast its almost unreadable. His roommate is introduced. I cant remember his name. That’s just how much of a character he is. Something about hacking and kitten calendars.

Yes there is lots of robot fighting filmed in a way you don’t know what is going on unless the animators gave blow for blow commentary.

Yes there is tits n ass.

Yes there are laughs. Done with you hand on your face. They are that bad.

Every bad and uncomfortable and cliché line is used.

The robots are gonna eat the sun or something. “Not on my watch!” yes that is a line. I’m not making it up.

Transformers was so good. It was a naughty pleasure. The bike mag under your bed with the racy centerfold. Revenge of the fallen is the gimp in your wardrobe you feed dog food.

The acting’s wooden. The plots a mess in need of an editor. Or maybe even just one sensible person to point out that some of this stuff is just stupid. You have to be fifteen to like this movie. And maybe that’s what I’m missing. But let me tell you this. I was drunk watching this movie. And I thought it was stupid. Not even booze could make me like this.

Would I watch it again? Maybe. If only to figure out what the hell is going on.